There are few experiences grander than being chauffeured around the incredible spectacle of Burning Man, in a gaily lit vehicle that draws all eyes to its passengers. For that reason we have partnered with Uber to provide our guests with six high-capacity limousines that we plan to transform into artistic creations sure to inspire delight and wonder in all those who see them. When you and your friends cruise slowly past a rave, an art installation or a theme camp, you will be on stage, gorgeous, so be sure to carefully select your costume for those particular hours! The camp Fashion Guide will be delighted to help you with this– their mission is to make you look as hawt as you are!
Access to these vehicles will be properly controlled, so you are assured of a seat or couch should you feel tired (or romantic!), and there will always be space for you on the top Dance Deck, where our state-of-the-art sound system will help you show off your sexy moves and your costume de jour. Beverages and other “refreshments” will be provided below decks as well, so just bring your beautiful self, for a day or night out on the town.
If you wish to bring a new friend onto the art car, simply tap your Apple Watch once as you board to notify the driver. Otherwise, your guest will be told that the car is at capacity and it is unsafe for them to board.
If you would like to disembark at any of the clubs or scenes you encounter, simply double-tap on your camp supplied Apple Watch to signal the driver of your desire. When you are bored, simply triple-tap on your Apple Watch and our speed launch will come pick you up at your current location. We can then deliver you back to the art car, or to camp, whichever you prefer.
We will soon be adding more guidelines here, and in the FAQ, detailing the (quite minimal) effort your mechanic will need to make should you wish to drive your own vehicle during the event. If this is a more attractive option to you, please contact email@example.com and give them your camp membership number. They will be glad to assist you with procuring the proper passes and credentials.
6 thoughts on “Art Cars”
Hey T! Great job last year. I’m definitely singing up again for 2015, and bringing a special guest (everyone knows her). Thank you for keeping this going. Did you get a chance to read some of the crap that the peasants wrote about our camp? Fukin jealousy! Just tell those faggots to get a job.
Anyway, we’re bringing the plane in again for 2015 and have a few seats for some serious hotties. We need them hotter than last year, T. I don’t mean to sound rude, and don’t get me wrong – but some of the MMs had cellulite and I’m not down with that. Fuck – I live in LA, T – and can bring in the real girls. Call me.
Sorry, T. This should have been posted under ‘Airport’, not ‘Art Cars’. But fuck it! Can I park the plane in camp? That would be fucking awesome. Let the 99% suck on my Gulfstream jets – we’ll take her out to the Man every night and blast the stink off those hippies!
Jasper, Jasper, Jasper… Haven’t you heard? Planes are the new Art Car! The thing is, now that some dust rats are bringing a 747 out to the playa, we can’t have anything less than an Airbus A380 associated with our camp. So now you know, the bar is set. Can you have your designer work up a multi-deck interior theme? I’m thinking:
*He’s the last hold-out on the board that gives a flying fuck about the event, so how do we get rid of him? The Matron managed to silence him, for now; but he’s too stubborn to let her win that easy.
Emirates has the best A380 service, first class. If they could land one on the playa that would be the best advertising in the world. I know the CEO of Emirates and I’ll drop him an email. There’s no way, though. But it’s worth a laugh.
I’m not keen to build anything out there because it’s too much work. My Gulfstream as an art car would be fantastic, it’s built like a tank and the dust wouldn’t be a problem (I’ve installed advanced filters). The only problem would be actual burning men, women and children from the exhaust, but if we only ran one engine we could move it along at 5 mph without causing too many injuries.
No need for stripper poles, once any chick enters the cabin her panties are already on the way off: fact! No need to beat around the bushes. In no time you’d have wet panties stuck on the ceiling and walls and windows. God! I fucking LOVE this festival.
I’m flying in a Guinness IceCream truck for the Burn this year, I’m looking for a suitable turnkey camp to base her out of, as we cant charge for the treats, unlike those f*ing bastards charging for Ice we need to go with a camp that can include us in their concierge fees, we have amazing “Guinness is good for you” Parachutes to use for shaded cover so that can be our gift to the camp ? You guys up for that? we would be happy to offer a % split on your increased exposure through trade magazines running press on our involvement.
Sounds like a deal! Mind if we put you next to our exclusive BLM Blue Room? We’ve cut a deal with the BLM so that they look the ‘other way’ when our age-indeterminate models go full monty in exchange for giving them an air conditioned lounge stocked with ChocoTacos.